Where does collaboration end and consulting begin?

Where does setting boundaries to own my worth end, and the fall into self-interest and competitive capitalism begin?

I can get so much anxiety around requests to pick my brain. I circle round and round and have found it it so hard to know what to do. There are so many variables influencing my struggle and (as it’s me and it’s what I do), I go deep with it.

• There’s the fact I’m a woman and socialized to be uncomfortable charging for my expertise.
• There’s the insecurity that if I state a rate for my insight people will think I’m being competitive, ungenerous, and rejecting of my community.
• There’s the confusion about whether I actually want to consult or do I just want to help and how is this different? Is it even different?
• There’s the self doubt when you set a rate and then the person retracts their request, so you fear they don’t think you’re worth the money or they judge you for charging.
• There’s the reality that some people just don’t want to pay for things they should be financially valuing and the discomfort of setting a boundary around that.
• There’s the insight that I didn’t get where I am today without lots of help – a whole heap I have paid for and continue to pay for, and lots that generous people offered me for free.
• There’s my desire for connection within my community, which generosity will help generate.
• There’s my sense of purpose in how our profession can and should evolve, and sharing my insight and innovations with others may contribute to this.
• There’s the fact that the physio industry has a legacy of grossly under charging for mentorship (way less that our clinical rate) whereas by any normal industry calculation you’d charge more than your service rate to help someone build their own business as you’re contributing to their financial development.
• There’s our weird relationship to capitalism; we all swim in it but feel uncomfortable with it which creates so much stickiness, and avoidance of financial conversations. Ew.

Working through these questions (and with some guidance which I paid for!) I have found my way forward in navigating these requests (see below). But there is no one right way. We all have to feel what’s right for us.

I wanted to write about it because I know there are other people in this position (some I’ve been chatting with) and because I think we all have such a tendency to over give. I have very few role models who are both very generous AND very boundaried with their time and their financial worth (shout out to Urszula!) and it’s something I really want to nail down for myself. I would love to see it modelled all around me in our profession.

I want our profession to know that we can care generously for our community AND have firm boundaries around the value of our time and expertise

So here are some thoughts and tips I’ve compiled:

For those who receive requests for business consulting (the old ‘pick your brain’ message)

1. Consider whether you actually want to and are ready to consult. Is this part of your purpose and goals?
2. Consider your capacity – do have the energy for this?
3. Consider how much it costs you in terms of time away from your own business (this should be reflected in your rate)
4. Consider your relationship with money and boundaries and build in strategies to help yourself if needed. Aka
   1. I am an over giver and an over sharer so I need to sit down and get clear with myself what I’m willing to share or not BEFORE I talk to someone
   2. I am a financial avoider so to prevent me from just ignoring the sticky money conversation I’m creating a structure to follow for me and for them!
   3. (Going a little meta here) I’m writing this blog because I’m scared people will judge me for charging so I want my thoughts and intentions to be clear and available for those who want to be in profesional relationship with me
5. Consider the value of generosity and shared relationships. I have built amazing friendships with clinic owners because we are generous with each other, and it’s a clear 50/50 relationship. If I feel connected to and intuitively want to build this kind of relationship with someone, I’ve followed that thread. Giving to these friends has given me so much more than it ever ‘cost’ and I highly recommend it!
   The key is to knowing who these people are.
   For those who are going to be more of a one way supportive relationship, where I give but don’t seek to receive, charging feels appropriate.
6. Also consider that you can create community with people who pay you for your services, and who you pay for their services – an exchange of money doesn’t have to be a barrier for friendship, community, or other business collaborations (goodbye capitalism and ‘power over’ ideas that make this weird). These things aren’t mutually exclusive.

For those reaching out for help and advice (read consulting)

1. Offer to pay people upfront for their time and insight – just ask for their rate! Assume to pay, then they can either charge you or offer to help you for free as they choose
2. If you don’t value their time and insight enough to pay them for it, then perhaps you shouldn’t be asking them for it
3. If you wan to receive without giving, perhaps consider reflecting on your own values, and allow space for others values to be different from yours
4. If you want help but can’t afford to pay, be upfront and ask if there’s an alternative in terms of exchange, or if they’d be willing to help you for free, but acknowledging this is respectful
5. If someone is helping you in a way that helps you build your business, expect to pay them more than a clinical hourly rate
6. Be explicit and transparent with WHY you are reaching out to someone. For example be very clear on whether you
   1. want to network and connect to build community
   2. want specific business advice (consultation)
   3. want to sell or garner referrals for your own service
      (I’ve had all sorts of cloak and dagger emails where the true agenda finally came to light after some digging and it’s INFURIATING)

This is very much my own reflection and insight and I am by no means in a super comfortable place with this yet. It’s absolutely one of things where theres no one right way and context is everything. As always take what works and leave the rest!

That said, I think we as a profession can do better in terms of setting a standard for valuing our time and expertise, while we also build awesome connection and community. This is my 2023 wish for us all :)