I recently hit up the Clinic Boss Summit in Toronto and it was scaaaaary!!!!!!

These are the reasons why I was semi dreading it

1. I heard they had loud music and laser beams last time (way too much stimulation for this nervous system)
2. They have a high energy high 5 kind of vibe (way to American for this Brit)
3. It was a jam packed schedule with the only breaks designated – obvs – for networking (small talk is the most challenging communication for me cause why would you wanna be superficial with people you don’t know, or ever)

BUT

I went! And I learned a bunch. Not just from the conference (which was amazing), but from my process before and during. What I learned will def help me feel more positive about the next time I launch myself into noise and people for ‘fun’.

Introverts aren’t anxious, or the exception

Prior to the conference I had a narrative about me being too shy, too insecure, too controlling, too all sorts of things and that problems with me were why I feel worried about going, or being there would be hard for me. Then I was told by a friend about this post they saw on instagram (isn’t that the way therapy goes nowadays) about something along the lines of how the world is made to celebrate extroverts. And we never see posts about how extroverts can (or should) practice a bit of introversion, but we get tonnes of messaging around how to practice and get comfortable being more extroverted.

We unpacked how introverts seem to have gotten the raw end of the deal in our patriarchal, capitalist, corporate system. That these systems are built, and especially conferences like these, to fit people who are extroverted. They are built for organized fun, mingling, and the general concept that more is better. More lights, more music, more prizes, more drinking etc etc.

We don’t see conferences with meditation or quiet time. Spaces dedicated for deep connection. Time and space to get outside, to connect and regulate from all the stimulation.

Even writing this there’s a part of me ( I’m learning in real time here that I have an inner introvert that carries some shame about their needs) that feels like meditation breaks and outside breaks this would be a waste of time. That more content and more connections rather than deep connections should be better. Cause this is what we’re taught over and over.

So I realized that there was nothing wrong with me. I’m not too anxious or insecure. I am just a type of person going into an environment designed for a different type of person. So of course I wouldn’t feel comfortable there, and that’s ok.

Just like how there’s tonnes of people, who would have felt super comfortable going to this conference who wouldn’t feel comfortable quickly dropping into deep personal work with a handful of strangers on a retreat; a setting where I would thrive.

It was awesome to see that neither is better, right or wrong. And accepting that definitely helped me feel more confident going to the conference. Because I know I have the resources to support myself through more challenging environments, and needing to use them doesn’t make me any less of a person. It doesn’t mean I’m too anything. It means I’m self aware, well resourced, and have the self trust and strength to go where I don’t feel comfortable in order to see what’s out there for me (and there was a lot!)

My tricks

While that prior unpacking really helped shift my perspective I still had a bunch of tricks up my sleeve to get me through. here’s my top tips if you need them;

1. Sit by the exit!!
   If it gets too much it means you don’t have to sit in the agony of not wanting to bother people or appear rude – you can just leave, breathe and come back when you’re ready
2. Take a friend or find yourself a buddy ahead of time that you feel safe with (I did both!)
   It gives you a relational anchor, you can leave and mingle, but always have someone to come back to
3. Find a window so you can look outside
   Connecting with the outside world makes you feel less trapped – and if it’s by the water like this conference was, it feels instantly calming
4. Lean against a wall
   If you’re feeling anxious feeling a wall behind you tells your body there’s no predator about to jump on your back. It can also feel quite grounding. Looking behind you can also send the same signal, but leaning is THE BEST!
5. Take your shoes off
   It can be grounding as we all know to get your feet on the ground, and I find having free feet helps me feel free in my whole body, which countered the “I’m trapped in a room on someone else’s schedule” feeling

I had the BEST time at this conference. Armed with my perspective shift and my safety tools I felt great going in. I mingled, and networked. It even awoke my inner extrovert and I admit I even high five’d a few people without any embarrassment.

It felt so good to be able to embrace an environment I was afraid of, and even judging. It felt so good to be able to connect when I didn’t think I could. I’m so glad I went, so glad I pushed myself and did the prior work, and so glad I got to experience another side of myself that this environment brought out in me.

That’s one of the best outcomes of all the often tough personal and regulation work I’ve done – it has helped me open doors that I was too scared to open before. And feel good doing it.